I’m lost because I live in illusions

This post was written by DoctorJay on December 22, 2009
Posted Under: A Course In Miracles - workbook

Day fifty two – review day two:

On the second review day we delve deeper into the illusions which are the cause of our upsets – illusions come from our living in the past – our prejudgments.

Here are the review thoughts of the day:

  1. I am upset because I see what is not there.
  2. I see only the past.
  3. My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts.
  4. I see nothing as it is now.
  5. My thoughts do not mean anything.

I’m going to do these review days differently. I’ll do the various exercises and just leave comments immediately and throughout the day:

  • I’m upset because I have expectations. The expectations are seeing something which is not there.
    I’m upset as I have needs rather than wants. Needs are our shoulds – things that should be. Wants are preferences and put us in charge.
    As a piece of synchronicity as I was writing the above sentence a friend phoned about an upset. The interesting thing is that he had talked to me last night about this upset, but by this morning he was more upset even though the objective situation had not changed. So he was seeing more things this morning which were not there.
  • One major problem is that we live in the past or future but extremely rarely in the now.
    As they say in many prize givings, “You have to be present to win.” In the game of life you have to be in the present moment to live fully.
  • My thoughts don’t mean anything because they are not new. Most of our thoughts are automatic self talk like tapes repeating the same nonsense (no sense of direction or meaning) over and over again.
  • I just went for my balance walking – this is where I walk on three trunks placed about eighteen inches off the ground used as a fence in a nearby park. The three trunks are between nine  to twelve inches wide. At first it was very difficult to walk on top of the without falling off but now with much practice I can walk forward more or less as long as wish and I balance walk backwards a little.
    Even though forward balance walking is relatively easy for me now, it still takes a little extra energy to remain balanced. I have noticed that it is very difficult to be upset when I’m balancing. My brain is using concentration on the sense of balance and consciousness (the ego which gets disturbed) can only concentrate on few items (in the magic number seven plus or minus two it is claimed that it is about seven) at any time and if you are concentrating on something else (you are paying attention to something other than upsets) you will not be disturbed by upsets.
    In fact I have heard that it is impossible to get angry if you are hanging upside down. Your brain does not have the associations (neural net pathways) necessary to get angry when balanced in an “unnatural way.”

Last exercise of the day:

  1. I am upset because I see what is not there.
    What upsets me is my meaningless thoughts. However, I’m much less upset now than when I started. Even so as ACIM says, there are no small upsets.
  2. I see only the past.
    When I’m worried about the future which happens often – in reality that’s the past projected to the future as only the past is in my thoughts.
  3. My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts.
    Sometimes. Sometimes I’m simply acting, being, doing. Maybe still in the past but no preoccupation.
  4. I see nothing as it is now.
    As I say the above statement my mind goes into semantics and words: I see no-thing as it is now. So if i can get to no-thing  i can be in the present moment. Actually one of my favorite meditations eventually gets me to no-thing, no-time, no-place, no-name, no-one and finally no-no. In this state of no-no even the negation itself is negated. I cannot put it (the experience) into words as it’s ineffable and beyond all categories (hence the concept or should I say the anti-concept of no-no). But nearest words (as pointers) are pure being and total non-being combined…
  5. My thoughts do not mean anything.
    If my thoughts mean nothing, why bother thinking at all, like writing this blog or reading A Course in Miracles. That’s a difficulty that I have with the opening exercises.
    Perhaps we are to treat it as the boat in one type of Buddhism (I think it is the Mahayana) where we take the vehicle (boat in this case) to the other side and then let go of it. Thus we use thinking to defeat wrong thinking.
    But then since my thought do not mean anything – what do I know?
    Reminds me of the ending of Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus by Ludwig Wittgenstein “What we cannot speak of we must pass over in silence.

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